


Hexadecimal Overflow

by MultipleLevels



Category: Kingdom Hearts
Genre: Denial of Feelings, M/M, Mild Hurt/Comfort, Possibly OOC, nasty scribb, post kh3, written so I could calm myself down
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-07
Updated: 2017-05-07
Packaged: 2018-10-29 02:49:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,021
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10844940
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MultipleLevels/pseuds/MultipleLevels
Summary: "How can I love myself if I can't even come to terms with the fact you still, after all my wrongdoings, love me?"





	Hexadecimal Overflow

**Author's Note:**

> This was written just so I could calm down after a scuffle that I felt bad about. Not my best work because of it.

The only way Isa could describe his emotions were as a hexadecimal overflow. Because of the lack of emotions that Saïx felt- nearly a negative number, his heart began to spit out amounts of feelings that were damning after so long without them. Irrationally long strings of integer after integer of pain, sorrow, betrayal, and- worst of all, fear. They all filled his mind and heart and refused to give him a moment of silence in his head space.

His eyes stung, all out of tears at this point. It was as if _he_ had caused this. He was the reason Lea had found new friends, a new reason to doubt him, a new reason to betray him. He sniffled pitifully and wiped at the tears that clung to his face like pearls of melted ice. His stomach was in knots over emotions and worry and the _real_ feeling of having his heart back after all this time.  
Isa began to feel like he was back in the past, like he was the same quiet teen who traversed Radiant Garden with a much more trusting version of Lea.

He sat up, trying to collect his breathing, which had become rather sputtery at the thought of his compassionate (once?)friend.  
Isa's eyes cast downward when he saw movement enter his room- more of a hospitable containment cell than anything. He knew no one else would dare to approach him, the deeds Saïx had done clamped _too_ firmly onto his person for any sane keyblade wielder of light to come near without a weapon or spell pointed in his general direction. Isa was still the enemy, if his dreaded ties to Xemnas had anything to say.  
The bed dipped down, the mattress springs squawking under Lea's weight. He sighed a youthless sigh and cupped Isa's face in his hands, caressing his cheek with a gentle thumb.

"Why do you continue this charade of pretending you care for me." His tone told the story that he'd been crying.  
Lea didn't know what to say. He lifted his head up and looked deep into the other's eyes, straight into the stained pools of glassy blue, ones that showed emotions unbridled. He only dared look back for a passing second, too afraid to gaze for much longer.  
"I'm a monster..."

"Is'-" He was cut off. Isa's finger went to the scar adorning his face, pointing accusatorially at it.  
"I'm a horrid monster because of _this_. I'm no better than my nobody or even Xemnas for that matter." He tore himself away from Lea's grasp, as much as it stung his heart to do so. He turned away to face the other wall. For as much as he wanted to buy into the fantasy that he was loved and cared for by Lea, he also knew it was for the better if that stayed like it was. A fantasy.

"Is there any way for you to listen?" Lea sounded far from hostile, though his statement was heated.

"Listen to what," he deadpanned back, sounding painfully rough and pointed- too similar to the voice The Luna Diviner used far too often.

"I want you to hear how much I need to help you; through all of this."

Isa turned around slowly, careful to notice the wistful expression Lea held on his face, but how the defeated posture of the rest of him seemed mismatched together.

"Why would you do such a foolish thing as that?" He asked, voice slightly more tender and vulnerable. The one thing the other didn't pick up on.

Lea grit his teeth, this had gone on for long enough, in his eyes.  
"Dammit, why can't you understand how much this matters? Not just to me, but to you as well! You might've nearly brought on the destruction of the cosmos itself, but I also see you feeling remorseful for that and beating yourself up over that fact." He ran his hand through his hair in anger. "Why can't you love yourself as much as I do?" He was very nearly shouting by the end of his monologue.

"How can I love myself if I can't even come to terms with the fact you still, after all my wrongdoings, love me?" His voice was hard. "In case you haven't noticed, I'm not the same teenager you grew up with, Lea. Get a grip and realize that I did wrong and I don't deserve your pity." He failed to mention the fact that tears had begun to slide down his cheeks again.

"I'm not worried about the past you, I'm worried about the _now_ you. If I can't even sway you to see yourself the way I do, then I guess I'm not worthy of being called your friend," Lea spat. He stood up sharply and walked out, shutting the door behind him with a not so subtle slam.

Isa fell over onto his side, trembling too hard to continue even the act of sitting up. He began to sob quietly. The emotional hexadecimal was multiplying at rates he could never even hope to comprehend. His heart was trying to process amounts that didn't exist, or at least weren't equipped to handle. Eventually, he tuckered himself out and unwittingly fell asleep, into a somber, dreamless state.

When Lea came back to check on the aftermath of both their emotional outbursts, he wasn’t surprised to see him dead to the world, out of energy from the burden of having so much raw emotional power and eventual overflow. Lea wiped away the stray tears that marred his face and covered him in a blanket that’d fallen onto the floor. He pressed a soothing kiss to Isa’s scar and watched as a small smile appeared across his lips. Warmth bled into his heart; that there was hope yet for his dear, dear friend.

“Good night, Isa,” he prayed near inaudibly, before walking out of the room once again. He prayed that one day this tormenting vigil’s cycle would cease and Lea could once again love him- not from afar, but like he used to before this whole mess began.

**Author's Note:**

> Comments, kudos, and critques are always appreciated!


End file.
